Writer’s lore ~ Meet my cold-eyed inner editor

Writer’s workshop o’ the day:
It’s never too late to make it better

I’m publishing this post in the name of Lorebird, my light-hearted yet cold-eyed inner editor…

Lorebird

In the latest taste of my next Lore of the Underlings episode, a preview dubbed The gray girl’s blues, I’ve just revised the little “poem of the vines” that I first posted. The original went like this:

Astride like a knight rides in the day,
This prince of light our treasured sun,
So charming in his starry armor,
To chase the gray girl’s blues away.
A golden kiss upon the lips,
So purple in her sleepy beauty…

But something about it kept bothering me. The construction was too complex. And (for those of you who’ve been following the story) it didn’t express the rhythm of the lively vines swinging back and forth as a chorus, commenting on the scene before them. I like this new version much better. The changes are subtle, but they make a big difference (at least to Lorebird and me):

Astride like a knight rides in the day
This prince of light our treasured sun

So charming in his starry armor
Chasing the gray girl’s blues away

A golden kiss upon those lips
The purple of sleepy beauty

And that’s the beauty of epub life — it’s never too late to make it better! No more eternal “What have I done?!” errors. At least with an editor like old Lorebird perched upon your shoulder. (Feel free to borrow him if you’d like. He doesn’t eat much but he does tend to bite…)

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